A Few Lessons in Hate, Love, and Self-Discovery

I've realized in India there are days when I HATE it and days when I LOVE it. This past weekend’s trip to Mysore included two such days.

A group of seven of us went by car to Mysore for the weekend (about a four hour drive from Shanti Bhavan). Some stomach bug must have been going around, so three from our group fell dangerously sick. I was one of the lucky healthy few, but it was scary to see just how sick the three other volunteers got. They were vomiting, feverish, and one of them actually fainted, hit her head, and it started bleeding. Not good! After taking care of the sick volunteers and getting them resting in our squalid hotel rooms (Recommendation #1: never go super-budget in India)..the other three volunteers and I went out to explore Mysore for a few hours. Finding your way around the streets of Indian cities whether alone or in a group can be daunting and disappointing. On the days when you hate India, you are overwhelmed by how incredibly dirty, smelly, pushy, gratingly loud, rough, depressing, hopeless and unrelenting it feels. The amount of trash, number of people, number of cars, bikes, carts, rusty buses, motorcycles, the number of stray, starving, suffering animals…sometimes you just want to close your eyes, ears, nose and take a break even for a few minutes – but you can’t. You are in the middle of it all and thousands of miles from home.

But then another day comes and you see the other side of the coin. Our next day in Mysore was one of those days. I hope I can adequately describe this day and its brilliance. All healthy again (amazingly), we got an early start and took our car up Chamundi Hill which is a sacred hill outside Mysore. There are two temples on top of the hill that we were going to visit. When we reached the top of the hill, we had amazing views of Mysore and the surrounding country. And the closer we got towards the temples, we started seeing countless monkeys and their babies. I just about died seeing them because they were SO cute. When we got to the main temple, everyone has to take their shoes off. It's become one of my favorite parts about India because when you first see the hundreds of people, the very American thoughts of "someone's going to steal my shoes" and "my feet are going to be disgustingly dirty after this" pop into your head. But the best lesson India has taught me is to let go. Just let go. It’s a simple demonstration of that very profound lesson, but it’s true - I've never lost my shoes and I've learned to actually love the feeling of walking around India barefoot. There's something so human, natural, and right about getting your feet dirty in India. And there's a deep spiritual energy felt from the bottom of your bare feet through the rest of your body as you walk through a holy temple. Your feet are dirty, yes - but finally alive and sharing the feel of the cool, smooth stones with the rest of humanity.

There are two temples, as I said, at the top of Chamundi Hill. Most people stand in a massive line to see the big, main temple. There was a really nice old man who offered to be our tour guide (for the equivalent of about $2) and he took us to the smaller temple at the back, which is close to 2,000 years old. Apparently they only decorate it one day every year, and the day we were there happened to be the special day. The universe here in India does it’s best to make up for the days where you hate India. ☺ So at the temple this day, they were celebrating the marriage of the god Shiva to Parvathi. Our guide gave us kumkum powder to sprinkle on the stone idols as an offering. The old temple was so quiet and peaceful - definitely one of my favorite places in India so far. And behind the stone idols grows a beautiful "holy tree”.

While we were making the offerings, a monkey came up to see if we had any food. When our guide shoed it away, it got mad, stole the palm-frond decorations that were laying on the stones and ran away. I didn't mean to, but I laughed SO hard. The monkey totally jacked all the decorations from the temple. Hilarious.

As we left the old temple, my friend Shreya and I bought a small bracelet which the priest blessed for us - it's a simple string bracelet with one rudraksh bead on it. Here's what my friend's book says about the rudraksh bead: "The word rudraksh literally means the eyes of Rudra, lord Shiva. Once when Shiva opened his eyes after a long deep meditation his tears of joy and peace fell on the earth and took the shape of the fruit of the rudraksh tree which grows wild in the Himalayas. The berries drop off, the green fruit skin dries up and the seeds harden into the rudraskh beads." So they represent Shiva's tears.

After the old temple, we walked a thousand steps down the hill to see Nandi, Shiva's bull statue. More monkeys, beautiful views of Mysore, and more spirituality.

As we all drove home, my favorite time of day in rural India was approaching – dusk and sunset. Randomly, for the first time yet this trip, I decided to pull out my iPod and listen to my favorite music. Usually I let the Indian music that spins out of every car radio be my soundtrack…but not this time. I’d call it a rare form of homesickness, perhaps, though I didn’t necessarily feel sad or nostalgic. Instead, I was watching my new environment pass by out the window while listening to the music that always reminds me of who I truly am. It felt as if I was both Old Allegra and New Allegra all at the same time…I thought about all of the people I love – my friends, my family, the many people who make up the fabric of my life....and instead of sadness, I felt for the first time that where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be right now. This year is a gift to me, and one month has already past. My heart filled up, my courage sparked, and I turned up my music.

Monsoon season! A huge storm knocked out our electricity two days ago and we’re still not back up on power. The administration will turn on the generator a few times a day for everyone to have a few hours of electricity and to get the water pumps pumping water up to the dorms and volunteer quarters.

Maura and I have been slowed down a lot the last few days because our computers will only stay charged for a certain number of hours. So we decided to take a rickshaw into Hosur, the nearest town that would have an internet café. It’s always nice to get off the Shanti Bhavan campus and out into the “real” India, but this trip was especially fun because we decided to step into the temple that’s across the street from the internet café just to check it out. It was a Hare Krishna temple. We were blessed by the priest and given Jasmine flowers to put at the base of one of the statues. Then we went into the main meditation room at the temple, and much to our surprise, we were visiting during one of their holy days. Not 10 minutes into going into that room, 5-10 other priests came in, got out their drums and symbols and started to sing the Hare Krishna chant. The main priest opened a curtain at the front of the room, behind which were several Krishna statues decorated with jasmine flowers and other colorful trinkets. As soon as the curtain opened, everyone fell to the ground and prostrated themselves completely and said a certain mantra. Then they all stood up and started singing again. During the music, the main priest took several items and waved them in a ceremonial way around the statues. First he took incense, then a candle-lit lamp, then jasmine flowers, then he sprinkled everything with water. The lamp was then taken out to the people in the room, and each person waved their hands around the flame and touched their foreheads. Then the jasmine flowers were taken and everyone breathed in their fragrance. It was pretty cool to take part in the ceremony. After the ceremony finished, we all went up to the priest and he put some water in our hands twice –the first time you drink it, the second time you put it on your face. Then the priests laid out mats on the floor and we all sat down. They came around with big banana leafs for us to use as a “plate” of sorts for what’s called “Prasad” which is when they serve food that is prepared at the temple (considered holy). It’s so holy, that they don’t think of themselves as “eating” the food, but rather “honoring” it. So they came around and put rice, daal, naan, some potato dish, some vegetable dish, and then a gulab jamun for dessert (the most amazing Indian desert EVER – it tastes like a donut that’s been doused in sugary syrup.) We ate all of this with our hands and then took our banana leafs and put them in a pile outside the temple. Maura finished first because she had been really hungry, and then they came over and gave her more rice and some “buttermilk” concoction which was some sort of milky sour stuff. She was so awesome because she actually was able to force herself to finish it – because it’s sacrilegious to leave any Prasad uneaten. After the meal, we bought a “mala” which is a string of beads – basically like a rosary, or prayer beads – that have 108 beads for 108 mantras when you chant. The Hare Krishnas have their own mantras, but Maura has a good book of other mantas that are not from any specific sect. The book has mantras on everything from curing headaches to finding happiness. Should be pretty interesting to try them out . While Maura is not a Hindu, she is a very serious yoga student and identifies with a lot of Hinduism and meditates frequently. On the summer solstice (June 21) we went out to “the rocks” – these huge boulders at the edge of the Shanti Bhavan campus where if you climb up to the top of them you can see out over the rural fields and watch the sun set. We did a chakra alignment and then meditated for a bit. It was really nice to sit outside on a boulder in India and meditate.

Although the Hare Krishnas are known to be pretty cult-ish in the USA, they’re very common in India. Being in a very small town in the middle of rural India, we were able to set our judgments aside and feel the wonderful love and spirituality of the place. It was an authentic and vibrant afternoon, to say the least.

Just finished week three in India! It’s strange, in some ways I feel like I’ve been here 3 months instead of 3 weeks. Other times, I remember what it was like to be here for 5 weeks last summer and I can’t believe 3 weeks have already passed.

This past week was packed. The younger grades came back from break – it was so great to see all their little faces and hear lots of “Hi, miss Allegra!” They are SO cute. One child, Tulasi, is in second grade – she and I always played together during their recess time and when she saw me this time, her eyes got so big and she ran right up to me and I gave her a huge hug. None of the kids can believe that I’m here for a whole year. They all ask me “Miss, how long are you going to stay for?” and when I say “a whole year!” they do a little gasp and smile. One little fourth grade girl came up to me and asked “Miss!!!! Do you want to hear some exciting news??? I’m going to take piano lessons!!!” She was SO excited.

I also began teaching piano lessons on Monday and Tuesday. So far I can only teach two days a week because my administrative work is so much. Hopefully our work load will lighten as the academic year gets off the ground. It’s always stressful to roll out a new year.

I gave Pushpa a piano lesson one night – Pushpa was one of the girls that graduated and has since gone off to Bangalore to college. She learned a couple of the piano pieces I brought last summer and really wanted to play them for me. When we finally found a time to have a piano lesson, the power went out – as it so often does in rural India. It was pitch black and Pushpa kept playing. We finished an hour lesson completely in the dark – neither one of us commented on it at all. THAT’S just one example of how amazing these kids are.





It’s been rough taking cold “showers” from a bucket. We call them “bucket showers” as we literally just fill up a bucket with water and use a smaller container to pour the water over ourselves. We only get hot water when there’s enough sunshine to heat the water (we use solar panels on campus). Since it’s monsoon season, we’ve had a lot of cloudy and partially-cloudy days. Other tough moments are having to see a really gross beehive every day as I walk through campus. I can do spiders, snakes, scorpions - but a bunch of little bees all gathered together somehow in a perfect circle? THAT grosses me out. Oh, and the giant ant hills – this anthill pictured here is taller than I am.

In other news, I trained my first volunteer! Maura, the current Volunteer Coordinator who has been here since January has been training me on how to orient the new volunteers. It’s been so much fun working with her. She’s an awesome girl who is a drama therapist with a background working with abused children. Truly a cool girl. We get along really well and have the same work ethic.

Maura and I took a rickshaw into the nearest town, Hosur, to run a few errands. We needed to make photocopies of some training documents we give to new volunteers. Every trip outside of the Shanti Bhavan compound reminds me of why I’m here. As soon as you leave the school you see the “real” India. Hosur is dirty, dusty, and crammed with people and garbage. The smells, the dust stinging your eyes, and the beggars that come up to you holding their babies…that is the reality of India. When we went to go make photocopies, we walked into a dingy hallway where a barefoot woman in a dirty sari stands all day making photocopies for people on a huge, archaic copier… on the rickshaw ride home to Shanti Bhavan, I was thinking about my piano teaching. Sometimes it feels terribly useless to teach piano. These students need science teachers, math teachers, English teachers – if they do not do well on their exams, they do not get into college, and their lives drastically change. They inevitably have to go out and live in “real” India – not Shanti Bhavan. But after seeing the woman making photocopies in Hosur, I realized – when else would these children get to take 30 minutes out of their day to work with another pianist to learn a Bach piece? Chopin? Beethoven?

Graduation and First Week of School

It’s been nearly two weeks since arriving, and SO much has happened! The 12th graders graduated last Sunday and there were so many events, performances, etc. to celebrate. The main school hall has been completely transformed by hand-made decorations for the graduation. The children and staff have been working around the clock to make this graduation a truly special event. Many volunteers from around the world have returned to take part in the celebration, so it’s been quite a full and energetic campus.

The graduation celebration was a 3-day event. The first night the children, aunties, and teachers put on a performance with lots of Indian dances. It was AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. They were all dressed up in traditional Indian dress and it was so great to see the aunties and teachers dance as well!


The second night was a performance put on by the volunteers. There are two Broadway performers here from ASTEP who helped organize the performance – Michael and Michelle. I’ve been working a lot with them to help put together the music for the show. Michelle wrote a few songs for the performance that she sang, Michael taught the Shanti Bhavan choir a song from a Broadway show, and I accompanied them, then we did a James Taylor number “Shower the People” with me on piano, Michael singing the solo, Dimitri and Hugh on guitar, and Becca, Michelle, and Lauren on back-up vocals. What else – Michael and Michelle taught the 12th graders a waltz, so they all danced as couples while I played a simple waltz on the piano. Maura, the volunteer other volunteer coordinator who I’ll be working with did a yoga demonstration, some of the other volunteers did a Hindi dance which was great, and then I played a piano solo – the Chopin Fantasie Impromptu which is the only piece I have in my fingers right now, since moving to India has left me little time to expand my repertoire. ☺ The kids have been asking to hear me play since I arrived, so it was really exicting for them. They all gave me a standing ovation – it was really exhilarating! The whole show came of wonderfully – it’s always great to be a part of performances and Shanti Bhavan. The children love EVERYONE and it’s just such a positive atmosphere. No need to be nervous,as no one here would ever judge you for anything – they just love you, no matter what! It was really touching, as well, when the graduating class came up to the stage to say a few words and thank Dr. George (the founder of Shanti Bhavan who is here right now), the staff, the teachers, the volunteers, etc. They each gave Dr. George a hug, and it was really emotional to watch. He has been a father to all of them. And then – to my surprise – Dr. George asked me to finish the program by playing my Chopin piece again because they loved it so much. It was quite a night.


Then the third day was the actual graduation ceremony. The graduating class all had their parents and/or relatives come for the celebration which was really touching.

Classes started Tuesday and I jumped right into teaching 10th and 12th grade compulsory English which was QUITE a bit of work (reading the books, planning lessons, studying the syllabus for the Indian testing system, and grading papers). The other wrench in the system is that the principal of Shanti Bhavan resigned a few weeks before I arrived - so Maura and I (Maura is the other volunteer coordinator) have stepped into roles assisting the administration of the school as well as curriculum reorganization. I haven't had 10 minutes to myself the entire last week because of all the work she and I have been doing. So thankfully a volunteer arrived yesterday who is actually an English major at Columbia right now - so she will be able to take over for me starting Monday. While I'm sad to give up my academic classes, I haven't had any time to start my piano lessons yet because I've been so swamped. It's been heart-breaking to have my piano students from last summer keep coming up to me and asking when piano classes will start.

I'm in Bangalore right now - we finished up our last classes this morning and then took a car into Bangalore (about 2 hours). We attempted to do some shopping, though it's monsoon season, so the rains started and flooded the streets which caused quite a traffic jam in Bangalore (cars AND pedestrians). At one point we were trying to cross the street and there was basically a rushing river where the gutter would normally be. So no one could get to the opposite side of the street unless they rolled up their pants and waded through brown water. Crazy!

We're heading back to Shanti Bhavan tonight, plan to sleep in a bit tomorrow, and then prepare for our next week of classes to start. I will keep you all posted as soon as I can!

My first day in India has come and gone – I can’t believe I managed to stay awake from landing in Banglaore at 4:30AM to right now, 8:30PM in my bed at Shanti Bhavan! It was both a wonderful and difficult day. It was wonderful in so many ways: to hear “Allegra!!!” in the voices of all the kids that I love, to see my former piano students’ faces beam, to have the younger students run up to tell me that they get to start piano lessons this year, to get 2 pieces of candy as a gift from a 6th grader, to get a huge hug from Ms. Ruth (the old woman on staff at Shanti Bhavan who I grew really close to last summer) and hear her tell me my coming back was an answer to her prayers, to jump right into giving a piano and violin lesson while completely jetlagged...this year will be great!!

Ahhh...but it was also one of the most difficult days I’ve had in years. It’s hard not to feel utterly and completely scared out of your mind when you realize you’ve actually left everything behind and relocated yourself to the other side of the world for an entire year. While India is a difficult place to live in, “roughing it” is not the hardest part. I can handle spiders, sweltering heat, mosquitoes, spicy food three times a day, cold showers….it’s really just the unknown that gets me. Not knowing what this job will actually entail. Not knowing whether I will be good at it. Not knowing how long a year will actually feel. Not knowing what I’m coming back to after the year runs out.

The only thing I can do right now is to try to take each day at a time. I am here for a purpose, and each day will bring me closer to understanding it. When Ms. Ruth asked me how I was, I admitted that I was scared. She smiled her big smile at me, hugged me and said “Don’t scare! God is with us!”

School hasn't started yet - right now the children are rehearsing dances, choir songs, and speeches for the graduation ceremonies that take place June 4th, 5th, and 6th. Right now only the 6th graders through 12th graders are at Shanti Bhavan - the younger ones return on June 13th.

I found out I will be teaching 10th and 12th grade English which I'm really looking forward to. I LOVE English, and I LOVE working with the older children more closely. They were talking to me about needing help writing, which would include working on their personal statements.

I'll start teaching piano lessons as well, and most likely take over choir rehearsals until other musical volunteers come :)

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